BPD

Silly me. B. P. D.

What did the doctor say?

Dismissive lines

Dear you’ll be fine

Clear he’s got no idea

Been the story since I can remember

To school a bottle of orange juice

Generous splash of vodka

Since I was fourteen.

The mess thereafter

Should be long ever after

Forgotten and trodden into mud

But.

Hey I’m fun mum.

I’m the run mum

Marathons and disco queen

Make-up at 7am

Party til whatever when

I’ll be your forever glamorous friend.

I’m the surprise

The laugh never dies

I’m here to laugh til the end.

But sometimes. It shadows the BPD.

Ha ha It’s just me.

Me and Mr

I don’t know what to say anymore

Frightened to be brave anymore

I don’t know what to say

We throw things at each other

Forget the love one and other

Forget we can say sorry

I’m tired of the alarm pain alert

The be careful cause you might get hurt

I’m tired of being afraid

I don’t know what to say anymore

Frightened to be brave anymore

I don’t know what to say Anymore.

Shakes

The fault line is always there
Tremors inevitably around the corner
I’m waiting for the big one

anxiety amplifies

a flurry on the seismometer
I should be able to see it coming by now
Should’ve bolstered my foundations
But I didn’t.

Stay strong I say
To the structure of me
Stay strong, I sway
My mind eternally.

A voice I hear
Breaks through so clear
Always try, always try.
So I’m still here.

Abuse

so.   Today with all the headlines I decide it’s time I ask my mother why she ignored (read as flat denied it could be possible) me when I told her her ex boss sexually assaulted me when I was 14.  Maybe it’s just a very belated cry for attention. But it’s something I need answering before I die.

I will let you know what she says.