Day one … again

Last night I thought was genuinely having liver failure, cold sweats were manic, feelings of nausea constant. Yesterday was day 5 of some of the worst binge drinking I’ve done. Absolute nutter and bad mother. I actually slept through the school run leaving my daughter calling her stepdad to get her. It’s shocking memories like this that I need to read again and again. Literally I need to shock myself out of this. Twice in those 5 days I was drinking at 10am, then lunch, dinner, before bed and the next day whoa the hangover can just shhh she says as she pours another wine. But it’s ok because I’m drinking it out of a champagne glass so it’s really just like in those posh hotels when you have a cheeky one with breakfast. There are two minds in my head. The nonsense crazy car crash waiting to happen and then the girl who today says enough is enough and runs the downs and then hits the gym and runs some more before hitting the resistance machines for half an hour. This one is going to order an elderflower (flower, berry I’m not sure but it’s not wine). Tomorrow I want to be day 2 of progress. I liked the whites of my eyes too. I want the old me back.

9 thoughts on “Day one … again

  1. This sounds so very, very difficult. I feel that sense of shame through your words and it’s an awful place to be. You need to forgive yourself, and not give yourself another reason to feel that awful again. Huge hugs.

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      1. Kismet! *smile* Happy you’ve met! Yaaaaaaah for cool people meeting cool people. ….. 2 days is awesome. Days 3 & 4 are usually rocky, because of what your bodies are cycling through. The discomfort is temporary. Eat chocolate. Watch a show. Go for a walk with the babes. Love yourselves up. Kick this motherfucking-shitty-shit-fucking-annoying-stupid-ass-life-sucking addiction in its face! You’ve got this.* LOVE. -HM.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Those are hard days. The physical pain. The regret. The embarrassment.
    It was very similar experiences that prompted me to quit. I was scared of myself.

    You can get past all this. The booze is not your friend. Big hug.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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